Real Lubly

Can you spot a Real Lubly relationship?

It’s important everyone can recognise healthy and harmful behaviours in relationships and to know the signs of coercive control. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect in a relationship, to make their own choices and to feel safe.

Sometimes it can be hard to tell when behaviours in a relationship are healthy or harmful. Check out our vodcast and our quiz to learn more.

Watch the vodcast

Check out the Real Lubly Vodcast to hear Bianca Hunt, Tom Forrest and Connor Watson answer your relationship questions and break down the signs of coercive control.

Take the quiz

This quiz is designed to help you identify healthy behaviours in a relationship and recognise signs of coercive control.

Pick out the healthy behaviours from the options below.

What should the vibe be in a relationship?

A. There is mutual respect, understanding, and support.

B. There are moments of fun and happiness, but one person has to constantly check things with their partner, so they don’t get upset.

C. It's often tense, one person feels uneasy or scared about what they say and do and how their partner will react.

How much say should someone have on their partner’s phone use?

A. Each person has control of their own phone, privacy is respected in a relationship.

B. It’s okay for a person to ask to look through their partner's phone to check who they’re messaging or what apps they’re using.

C. It’s acceptable for a partner to monitor or control the other person’s phone, like deciding what apps they can use, deleting contacts or turning on location tracking in apps.

What should happen when there’s an argument in a relationship?

A. Each person listens to the other, and they find solutions together.

B. Arguments occur and they are resolved when one person gets their way.

C. Arguments don’t really get resolved and end in shame, threats, or insults to the other person.

How should choices be made about things that happen in a relationship?

A. Decisions are made together, considering each other's opinions and what feels comfortable for both people.

B. The person with the strongest opinions has a bigger say about what happens in the relationship.

C. It's acceptable for one person to make rules for the other and tell them what they can and can't do.

How should someone react to their partner wanting to spend time with friends and family?

A. There shouldn’t be any reaction - both people can spend time with friends and family together and separately whenever they want.

B. It’s okay for a person to put pressure on their partner to spent time with them over friends and family because they are jealous.

C. One person can stop the other from spending time with friends and family.

If you answered A for all questions

You know what healthy behaviours should look like. These behaviours help keep a relationship strong.

Remember that relationships can change. Harmful behaviours can start at any time during a relationship. They can also start or continue after a relationship has ended.

It’s important to recognise harmful behaviours early and reach out to someone you trust or call 13 YARN for advice or support.

If you answered B or C for any questions

You might have trouble identifying harmful behaviours in a relationship. Some of these behaviours might even be warning signs of coercive control.

Harmful behaviours can start or continue after a relationship has ended.

If you notice any of these behaviours, it’s important to reach out to someone your trust or call 13 YARN for support.

What is coercive control?

Coercive control is abuse. It’s when someone repeatedly hurts, scares or isolates another person to control them.

Coercive control can include physical or non-physical behaviours. It looks different in every relationship and can involve a combination of different behaviours.

Some coercive and controlling behaviours can seem minor on their own, but when they’re repeated or continuous they can cause serious harm.

Learn more about coercive control.