Transgender and gender diversity in Hunter New England

[Wez – Transgender person and support worker]

The...the thing I'd like to say is that being transgendered is a lifetime of first-first times it's a lifetime of realizing who you are.

[Rachel – Parent] 

I remember a time when my child was in primary kindergarten the teacher said to line up

girls on this side boys on this side and of course my child automatically walked to the girls side instead of the boys side.

[Dr Yolandie Goodyear – Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist]

I think what is important to remember is that there's not one way to be trans. It really is everyone's own story. Seeing kids be very young and know from date dot and not have to say it from day dot I a girl or I a boy and then you do get a cohort that only cotton’s on later.

[Robyn – Parent]

Since I've got to the “okay fine, what do you need, what do we need to do” thing, we then started processes of seeing specialists. 

We start with the GP, then you move to the psychologist, the psychiatrist, all sorts of people are involved in the process.

[Max – Transitioning young person]

Yeah there is that light bulb moment and then there is almost like a fear of what this means and sort of the process. Almost like isn't it just isn’t like laid out in front of you. 

Understanding like that you will have to tell other people in order to like socially transition.

[Robyn – Parent]

With young adults identifying for the first time that their gender is not what other people observed it to be, the process is quite slow in terms of...you've got to have some patience. 

So you need to first of all speak to your GP and then if you want to share with your parents; you don't have as an adult ever tell your parents what's going on, but certainly mine did...

Then you have a process where you would then next have an appointment to talk to a psychologist and then next is a psychiatrist. You have to have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria to get any kind of treatment.

Then it took about a year in each case for them to actually start thinking to actually be given some hormones that would make them feel that they were physically making some kind of transition. 

But in the meantime, there was a social transition in terms of asking for their new name and pronouns to be respected and also legal changes such as name changes. 

[Wez – Transgender person and support work] 

Letting it be an exciting journey is just it's just it's just surreal that's the way it has to be, that's the way it should be. 

This is...you know, you're growing a new person. 

You're growing yourself, you're in charge of your own, this this process of becoming, you know, the man for a first time or this gorgeous woman for the first time, even though you have misgivings and you’re scared, it's such an exciting process.

[Rachel – Parent]

It takes time and patience, but it did happen and it happened fairly quickly considering the system we were in.

We were in a private school too so it was a bit more of a challenge; so, it took a little bit longer than we'd probably hoped, but it worked out fine.

[Max – Transitioning young person]

Yes, so you're going to experience a lot of new things and a lot of firsts. 

For the first time it'll be like both terrifying and exhilarating at the same. 

Um, you’ll tell your first person, you'll have your first GP visit, your first endocrinologist appointment.

You'll see psych...mental health professionals, and it can happen over a long period of time and like everyone is...always they just want to get through as quickly as they can.

And it can seem like time is traveling so slowly when you're waiting for that next appointment to get the next appointment to get the next appointment, but it all does come through eventually.

[Dr Yolandie Goodyear – Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist]

As you start realizing who you are it's really interesting because some kids will come and say okay I'm here for my assessment and they have prepared like they've prepared for an exam.

They know the answers, they're like I am all over this. This is...yes it's been six months, etc. and they know what to say.

Whereas other people come and sit on this couch and they're like what are we supposed to do when you start realizing who you are? 

You go through a whole bunch of steps and a lot of them are quite scary. And sometimes people will have an idea of what should be first and some people will have a different idea of what should be first.

[Max – Transitioning young person]

So when you do...if you do go to a support group, you'll meet a lot of people who are like-minded and have experienced the same thing as you.

And there will be people who are at different parts in the process, and they can give you advice or help you find like different pathways to get to whatever goals you have.

[Robyn – Parent]

I think that we've found with our children that they really felt a sense of, “great, these are some people who are our people..."

[Rachel - Parent] 

...my tribe.

[Dr Yolandie Goodyear – Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist]

So it is important that at least at some point that you find your people.

The people that you can hang out with, the people that get it.

And for some kids that means going to an organized group where artificially a whole bunch of kids have been brought together that at least on paper have something in common.

But for other kids it's about finding people at school, people at drama, that people have the things that you're interested in that you can talk to and that you feel they get you.

[Rachel – Parent] 

But um, they definitely excel and grow when they see that they're not alone.

And as parents being able to support them knowing that you're not alone and being able to read so many other people's stories or hear other people's stories or just banter off each other makes you feel like you are definitely not alone. 

[Wez – Transgender person and support worker]

You can sit in a room and you with guys who are all trans and they may not look like blokes to begin with but you know and they've said it – they're men.

So you suddenly hear stories and feel support from your own tribe, your own people, people who understand what it was like to be a child never knowing who you were, never having really close friends, always second-guessing yourself, always feeling anxious.

When you're with your tribe it's just relaxation. It's suddenly you find a voice you can speak; you share things that you would have never shared with anybody else, it's so important.

[Wez – Transgender person and support worker]

I tell them do you know that these are two different stories we’re working out.

Your child is transgendered and just wants to become themselves but you're their parent and when you held this baby in your arms all those years ago you had plans for them.

You know it's wedding, schooling, it's you know in lots of ways you planned all these lovely things that were going to happen for your child.

One of them wasn't that they were going to become the opposite of what you were now holding in your arms.

So, for parents there's grief that they're losing something but there's also this feeling for mums especially, that they've done something wrong; what did I do wrong that made this happen to my child? 

And the truth is you didn't do anything wrong.

[Rachel – Parent]

For me in our family our child was pretty obvious that there was something different so I tried to educate myself.

Now that's not so easy when there's not a lot of resources back then. I googled, that didn't help much at that stage but Google works great now.

And so I found the best thing for us was to listen to older people's stories. 

They're people that had walked the walk and lived the life and had been through whatever they had been through in their stories in their journeys and what they had been through and what I did and didn't want for my child and that educated me and forced me to seek out help.

[Dr Yolandie Goodyear – Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist]

Parents sometimes have a hard time for lots of different reasons than their kids would

Some parents feel like they've always known their kid is wired a certain way and for some parents, it hits them like a truck.

Some parents feel really sad because they had an idea in their head of what their kids going to turn out to be and the kid didn't get that memo.

So I always encourage parents to link up with other parents and nowadays we've at least got the option of being online because some people talking face-to-face, seeing other people is just not something that they're ready for.

So usually after the first appointment or the second or the third or wherever it comes up I send parents a list of supports that they can access online with the option of supports that they can access in person.

[Robyn – Parent]

I think parents when they first find out need to listen to what their children is saying. 

Because the children particularly older children will not say it out of the blue. 

It will have been something they've been thinking about for a long time and will not share without some fear of rejection from their parents 

And the parents will go, “what the...!” and then need to look at what they can do to support the children and what they can do to support the children is to find support for themselves to a large extent to find education to find information to find other parents who are in the same situation.

[Max – Transitioning young person]

So I know you might be worried or scared but your child has been incredibly brave to come to you about this and all they want right now is your love and support.

[Outdoor nature sounds and Natalie and Taylor talking in the background]

[Taylor]

Being very open online with who I am caused a lot of people on the Internet to come attack me for expressing myself for who I am getting called heaps of slurs...

[Natalie]

I’ve never really had serious issues upon who I am. But I have been quite...people have been misunderstanding of what I am.

[Taylor]

People don’t seem to get it a lot of the time. They struggle to understand what it is. 

They just say, “aw, you’re just confused or it’s just a phase, give it 2 months and you’ll be back to your old ways, wearing princess dresses and who wearing all this makeup.

And it's just not m, and it's not a phase, I’ve felt like this for a long time. And it’s not something that I just suddenly woke up and thought, “Bam! Let's see a boy that sounds like a fun idea, everyone seems to be doing it these days.

[Natalie]

It’s not a choice and it's something we just wake up to and go, “Oh, this is who I am now.” 

We’re born like this, it’s in our DNA treatment and we just strive everyday to become that person that we want to be.

[Taylor]

When I was about 9 years old nearly 10, first day back at school lining up for portrait photos to put on our portfolio and I just felt like I didn't fit in with everyone else.

It’s like, “why am I standing here? I’m not like all the other girls. Why do I feel like this, why do I look like this, why is my hair like this, why is my body like this? Something doesn’t feel right.”

[Natalie]

I’ve always loved the idea of being a woman. But I never had that idea that it was wrong. To be different. I didn’t think that people saw that as a bad thing. 

[Taylor]

I kept it pretty quiet my identity for a long time how I felt 

I wasn't sure exactly, I didn't know what word was to put to how I felt. I didn’t know how to express it in words. 

And even after I figured out what I was  I didn't have the courage to tell my parents because I wasn't sure how they'd react. And one night I eventually said it.

I was upset I really had a lot of emotions throughout from having an argument with one of my parents.

It just kind of came out and I said, “I’m not your daughter.” And I heard a reply back from my parents, “well you’re not my son”. 

Now they're very accepting of who I am and have really helped me in journey of transitioning medically and appearance wise.

And they’re there for me through the problems that I face, which is really nice to have their support.

[Natalie]

My parents have been fully positive and accepting because I think they already had an idea, I think they knew it was going to come. 

So when I...I didn’t really come out, because I was seeing a psychologist at the time to help come out and let it all unfold. 

So I just feel that my parents already knew and when I did come out to them first as being gay, they were totally accepting. They knew, they knew what they were dealing with.

[Taylor]

Having a really supportive network of people around me has been really vital part of making it through this. 

It’s been a difficult time, everyone has their challenges and I’m really lucky to have people around me who are supportive and who are there for me every step of the way.

Through...whether it's my family whether it's friends or other people in the community, they’re there for me and I know if I’m going through a struggle, I know that there’s always someone there that I can talk to and help me through what's happening.

[Natalie]

Being around the people that love you most and being around the people that support you and love you for who, who love you for the way you are as a person really helps.

And that’s definitely going to help you along the way...

[Taylor]

...knowing that someone there accepts you and loves you...

[Natalie]

Yeah...yeah

[Taylor]

...for being you...and not being someone else pretending to be someone else.

[Natalie]

Pretending to be someone else...yeah, and it’s a very good feeling to know that there’s someone there for you, when they’re right by your side to help you along the way and protect you from anything on the outside world. 

It’s a cruel world and you can’t face anything alone. And it’s very important to have someone by your side.

[Taylor] 

Yeah 

[Music]